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Copywriting

$5/hr Starting at $25

WARNING: THIS WRITER IS NOT A SNOOZEFEST. Viewer discretion is advised. --- Do you want to hypnotize readers with WORDS MORE PERFECT THAN RAINBOWS & NEWBORN CHILDREN? Do you want to make people laugh until they SHOOT MILK OUT OF THEIR NOSE *AND* PEE A LITTLE? (at the same time?!?!) Do you want to have people LOOK, LISTEN, AND FORK OVER THEIR INHERITANCE? Then hire the one, the only, QUIRKY WORDS. --- I can wordsmith the heck out of anything you desire. I can make: -Your ideal Witty Dating Profile / Witty Wedding Speech / Witty Divorce Announcement -Your educational piece, packing knowledge into heads like cranberry stuffing crammed into a turkey...mmmm, delicious golden-baked knowledge. -Your meme-heavy blog post, so cutting edge I accidentally cut myself while writing (I go through LOTS of Band-Aids). --- I will not make: Anything boring. Unless you really want me to. Here, let's try listing boring things: A pair of socks. Taxes. Global turnkey solutio

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$5/hr Ongoing

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WARNING: THIS WRITER IS NOT A SNOOZEFEST. Viewer discretion is advised. --- Do you want to hypnotize readers with WORDS MORE PERFECT THAN RAINBOWS & NEWBORN CHILDREN? Do you want to make people laugh until they SHOOT MILK OUT OF THEIR NOSE *AND* PEE A LITTLE? (at the same time?!?!) Do you want to have people LOOK, LISTEN, AND FORK OVER THEIR INHERITANCE? Then hire the one, the only, QUIRKY WORDS. --- I can wordsmith the heck out of anything you desire. I can make: -Your ideal Witty Dating Profile / Witty Wedding Speech / Witty Divorce Announcement -Your educational piece, packing knowledge into heads like cranberry stuffing crammed into a turkey...mmmm, delicious golden-baked knowledge. -Your meme-heavy blog post, so cutting edge I accidentally cut myself while writing (I go through LOTS of Band-Aids). --- I will not make: Anything boring. Unless you really want me to. Here, let's try listing boring things: A pair of socks. Taxes. Global turnkey solutio

Skills & Expertise

AnimationCSSDrupalExcelHTMLMicrosoftPowerpointPress ReleasesSEOTypepadWordPressWriting

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