WARNING: THIS WRITER IS NOT A SNOOZEFEST. Viewer discretion is advised.
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Do you want to hypnotize readers with WORDS MORE PERFECT THAN RAINBOWS & NEWBORN CHILDREN?
Do you want to make people laugh until they SHOOT MILK OUT OF THEIR NOSE *AND* PEE A LITTLE? (at the same time?!?!)
Do you want to have people LOOK, LISTEN, AND FORK OVER THEIR INHERITANCE?
Then hire the one, the only, QUIRKY WORDS.
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I can wordsmith the heck out of anything you desire. I can make:
-Your ideal Witty Dating Profile / Witty Wedding Speech / Witty Divorce Announcement
-Your educational piece, packing knowledge into heads like
cranberry stuffing crammed into a turkey...mmmm, delicious golden-baked knowledge.
-Your meme-heavy blog post, so cutting edge I accidentally cut myself while writing (I go through LOTS of Band-Aids).
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I will not make:
Anything boring. Unless you really want me to. Here, let's try listing boring things: A pair of socks. Taxes. Global turnkey solutio