In fact, the happiest people go out of their way to treat themselves right and they do something nice for themselves each day. They set appropriate boundaries and take care of themselves by saying no to things when they need to. "When you love yourself, you understand that saying no to something you don't want to do is an act of kindness, and you don't walk around with negative feelings toward the person who asked you to do something you didn't want to do," Schwartz says.
Not only is being kind to yourself good for your career, it's good for your relationships too, she adds. "The more you build self-love, the more you have to give to others."
I agree. In my new book Career Self-Care, there's a whole chapter about why making yourself happy is important. Research shows that happier people are better bosses, parents, partners, friends, and citizens of their communities. Which means that working on your own happiness is much less selfish than you might think.
Here are 11 acts of kindness happy people perform for themselves--and so should you. (And click here for 11 habits that are scientifically shown to make you happier.)
Commit to doing one nice thing for yourself every day.
Schwartz invites visitors to her site to sign a 31-day pledge to "do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small." Whether you feel like signing or not, making the commitment means you'll remind yourself on a daily basis to treat yourself with loving kindness and selfKeeping that commitment will bring real benefits, she says. "It motivates you to take better care of yourself, go after your dreams, and not let people treat you poorly."
Listen to yourself.
That is, listen to how you talk to yourself, and the internal tone of voice you use. (Mine tends to resemble my mother's in a lecturing mode.) "We often criticize ourselves in our own heads and that brings down our confidence," Schwartz says. "When you love yourself, you know you're good enough that you have to stop talking to yourself in negative terms."
Forgive yourself.
"Forgiveness is a big part of it," Schwartz says. "It's hard, because most of us have been getting angry at ourselves for all the things we do wrong all our lives. People get into trouble because they try so hard to be perfect and then they beat themselves up when they're not. Loving yourself means accepting that you're stuck inside your own imperfect skin."
Schwartz recommends this exercise to start forgiving yourself: "Look in the mirror and say, 'I love you and I forgive you.'" "
Accept yourself as you are now.
For starters, this means accepting the body you have today. "Body image is a huge stumbling block, and so is age," she says. "When you love yourself, you're trying to be the best person you can be in your body, and that's as much as you can do." Self-acceptance also means accepting your income and level of success as they are, she says. . "It's OK not to win a certain amount by the time you reach a certain age," she says. "Entrepreneurs get a lot of criticism when people say, 'Why are you wasting your time doing that?'" or "You're not successful enough!"
Instead, she recommends asking yourself a simple question: "Am I happy with what I'm doing?" She herself sells a successful summer entertainment business when she finds it's becoming too stressful. "I ended up with less income but was happier."
Get rid of toxic people in your life and workplace.
This may be easier said than done, but avoid limiting yourself to clients, business partners, investors, or employees who make you unhappy. Obviously, it's hard to take the same approach with family members, but Schwartz says there's no reason to put up with people who say or do inappropriate things. "If people say mean things to me, I tell them if they talk to me like that, I'll walk away or hang up," she says.
Prioritize your health.
"I take supplements and vitamins, I exercise, and I recently cut out sugar for seven weeks as a form of self-love," says Schwartz. But be careful - don't let concern for your health turn into a reason to beat yourself up if you slip up. "Yesterday, I had Twinkies," she says. "I wanted to have it, so I bought some and ate it. I don't beat myself up when I get a treat."
Stop skipping meals.
"People say, 'I've been so busy I didn't have time to eat today,'" Schwartz says. "This is very unpopular. Take something away, even if it's just a salad." Neuroscience tells us that letting your blood sugar sink sends stress signals to your brain. So if you really can't stop and grab a meal, make sure you have healthy snacks at your desk.
breathes!
Don't forget that when you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or upset, simple breathing exercises can greatly increase your happiness, says Schwartz. “If you breathe deeply during the day, you can calm yourself down and not let stress get to you or make you sick.”
Give yourself a welcome space.
For years, Schwartz never made her bed, just throwing the covers over it. Now she makes it every day for the simple reason: "Coming into my bedroom when my bed is made makes me smile."
She advises taking the same approach in your workplace. Keep it as organized as you can. Tidying up your workspace and getting rid of things you don't need will leave you feeling calm and in control, she says. But don't limit yourself to just breaking up. "Make sure your environment and office space is the way you want it and that it's a great place to work," she says. "Put fresh flowers on your desk. Take it seriously."
Get some sunlight.
"A lot of people work in dark places," Schwartz says. "It's unhealthy and unpleasant." Try to work in a place where you have access to natural light, she advises. If this is not possible, invest in full spectrum light bulbs. Either way, make sure you get out for a walk as often as you can.
Buy premium products for yourself.
Does this sound like you? If you're bringing a bag of coffee to someone else, you choose a premium brand in nice packaging, but if you're buying it for yourself, you choose the store brand or another inexpensive option. It's okay if you're one of those people who have a taste for all types of coffee alike. But if you prefer the more expensive brand, go for it, says Schwartz. Too often we spend money on others but cheap on ourselves. "A better brand is only a few dollars more, and every time you use it, you're reinforcing to yourself that you deserve more."