If there's a better writer than myself here, I'll eat my underwear.
I'll begin my consumption of 2000 characters by noting that I'm an exceedingly well-educated advertising copywriter plying his wares in the excessively cutthroat advertising environs of NYC. Need a print ad, radio commercial or something video-related? Anything at all that's remotely ad-like? I'm your buckaroo. My principal wheelhouse is humor-based, but I can bore the living shit out of people with my competence-ridden scribblings as well, if needed. Need website copy? I can amass my estimable skills to that task as well. I'm also a decent designer, not that anyone in their right mind would hire me to do such a thing, but it's a nice skill to have and a decent complement to my exceptional writing skills.
Work Terms
I'm 24/7 baby! Just be freaking communicative, and I'll pat your head and give you a biscuit.